How to Have Difficult Conversations with Your Child

There may be times that we will need to have difficult conversations with our children.

Having these difficult conversations with our children may feel daunting, uncomfortable, and scary as a parent, and I want you to know that’s okay.

Many of us did not have this modeled to us when we were children, so how can we know how to go about it as parents now?

These are a few tips to follow and I want you to know that no one is perfect!

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How to Have Difficult Conversations with Your Child

1. Decide if you feel that your child will need to know this information. This is highly individualized depending on the situation, your child’s age, circumstances, direct or indirect impact, etc. There are some things that you may decide not to make your children aware of.

2. Once you’ve decided to share this information with your child, you first want to regulate your own emotions as best as possible. If you are very triggered at the moment, I recommend taking time to work through your own feelings first (I recognize this may be easier said than done and having support can be very helpful).

When you feel calm and centered you can decide when and where to have the conversation. (It’s ok if you are upset or sad, end up crying, etc. This is an opportunity to be an example for our children and show that all emotions and feelings are good.)

3. Decide on a time and place where you can be really present with your child without distractions (technology, other children, etc.). This ideally is a time when the child is not tired, they are calm and receptive to your message. It may be when doing a calm activity together such as coloring, cuddling on the couch, or during a car ride.

4. Use age-appropriate terminology and concepts while keeping things simple and straightforward. Do not go into many details. Matter of factly state the situation or what is happening. This is also individualized per child, for example, if your child knows what death is you can use those words, if not you can choose to use other wording that you feel is appropriate.

5. As you are explaining the situation you can also acknowledge the positives. For example, if someone got hurt, you can reinforce that your child is safe right now. You can focus on the ways that they can stay safe or help others.

6. Ask your child how they feel about what you told them. Ask them if they have any questions and really be present and hold space for them, their feelings, and what they share with you.

7. If they don’t have any questions at the moment, communicate to them that you are here for them whenever they would like to discuss the topic or if any questions do come up. For older children, you can also schedule a time together to follow up on the conversation and check in with them.

8. Do your best to validate and acknowledge what your child shares with you, and let them know you hear them and that you are here for them. Sometimes we can’t change a situation or “fix it” but we can be present and be there for our children with a hug, a safe space, or sharing a good cry together.

Whatever you are going through I am sending you prayers, love, and light 💕✨💗

I also want you to know that all the emotions and feelings that come up for you or your child are good. They are valid, they are important, and for optimal health, it is vital to process them in a healthy way without getting stuck.

This is where mindfulness, mindset, energetics, and having a supportive coach and community are extremely helpful.

In the Mindful Moms Circle, you are coached through various challenging topics of motherhood and family life so that you and your family can be happier and healthier, and enjoy your time together. And you can feel confident, secure, energized, and abundant as a mom!

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Wishing you and your little ones all the best 💕

Dr. Beata Harasim PT, DPT, FAAOMPT

Holistic & Integrative Doctor of Physical Therapy